What Horses Teach Me About Communication and Connection

Clear Communication and True Partnership: Lessons from Horses for Humans

With the addition of meditation teacher and coach Susa Talan, our Three Peaks Ranch clinic is becoming something truly unique. It is part horsemanship clinic, part meditation retreat.

We are blending two traditions that have shaped Jim and me deeply: Buddhism and Natural Horsemanship. Both ask us to slow down, pay attention, and meet the moment with honesty and presence. Both have taught me that real partnership, whether with a horse or a human, begins with clear awareness and even clearer communication.

Below, I want to share a recent experience that reminded me why this work matters, and what I am still learning.

Awareness in Action: A Lesson from the Round Pen

Here is a lesson I keep learning: clarity might feel uncomfortable in the moment, but it is the root of real partnership.

I had a session with a horse named Tucson that brought this into sharp focus. I started off trying to be gentle and supportive, aware of not wanting to stress him. But I was wishy-washy about what I actually wanted. My cues were subtle, soft, and unclear. I thought I was being kind, but Tucson ended up unsure of how to succeed with me. He looked confused and frustrated.

Looking back, I can see I was not fully trusting him. I did not want him to feel pushed or to get it “wrong,” so I tried to protect him from discomfort. But in doing so, I withheld the clarity he needed.

Then, with some observation and coaching from my friend Jesse, I shifted. I stopped circling with him and trying to manage his experience. I stood still in the center of the round pen and made one clear ask: trot two circles. I gave consistent, fair corrections that escalated only as needed and let him figure it out.

And he did.

Tucson relaxed. He licked and chewed after completing the task and walked closer to me in the center of the pen. Our connection and attunement deepened. I relaxed too. I stopped trying to manage his experience and focused on my task: make a clear ask, notice what is happening, and respond accordingly.

The Simplicity of Clarity

The work was much simpler than I had made it. I did not need to rescue this present, resilient horse from a moment of challenge. He wanted to succeed. He wanted to partner. He could do his job if I did mine.

This lesson echoes in my human relationships too. Sometimes I try too hard to ensure people have a positive experience of me. I soften, hedge, or hold back. I manage their experience instead of showing up fully. That may feel warm and safe in the moment, but what I am offering is a carefully curated version of myself. A fog.

People may feel comfortable around me, but they may not get the most honest or authentic version of who I am.

When I prioritize momentary comfort, mine or theirs, I sacrifice the possibility of real connection and real trust. Trust is not built on smooth interactions. It is built on knowing each other fully. Clarity, even when it is uncomfortable, is what makes true partnership possible.

Your Turn

Is it just me, or have you felt this too?

If this resonates with your leadership style or your relationships, or if it highlights how different your style is, I would love to hear. What comes up for you when you think about clarity, comfort, and trust? Email me at lindsay.priefert@gmail.com. I welcome the conversation.